Being: The Way I am

Listening to the silence 

beneath the melody of a playful crowd

enjoying the cool, fluid clarity down below

dense solidity radiates from my right hand 

where a beautifully rounded stone 

once separate and distinct

then cradled and held

now glows with the same force as my hand 

a single thought swells in the space of mind

and disappears

two more, then gone

stillness

I am here

my place in the flow 

enjoying the sun on my head

and the harmony of people all around

their beauty and their laughter

and their rainbow apparel

marble my feeling with texture and nuance 

such richness, here

I come here to be

the way that I am

or at least to try

I share this space

with my good friend Ruby

who's doing the same thing as I am 

tho being a dog from a loving home

surrounded by encouragement and understanding

makes being this way come easier to her

so I'm listening to her with feeling too

meeting her in the half-way 

being personal and animal together 

The pedestal and the base have been rendered stable 

firm enough to support a balance

extra care was taken for this

the hands of my heart sensing deeply

for a flawless marriage of surfaces

with depth and stability my reward

Ruby roams the water and the crowd

stalking fish with wrapped attention,

gathering praises and warm affection 

like so much honey 

Ss it happens more often than not 

a child has noticed "that man”

shining his awareness in my direction

with a "look!" or a "whoa!" 

and making me known to his friends 

intrigue spreads through people in waves

and the ripples of attention 

rain thoughts on my mind from above

like foliage shaken from an autumn tree

the immediacy of my being is lost 

to an outside point of view

and the inner noise of self and other ensues

How wonderful this voice inside

thinks that I am

such uniqueness and authenticity 

It thinks that I own

everyone must be seeing me now 

It's masterpiece 

this perfect-able thing it's been working on 

for as long as I have memory

It's presence there above me

and the sense of self it shapes me into

together a familiar prison 

Awareness swiftly responds 

faithful to my practice after all these years

back to the silence 

in which the self-talk rises

back to the feel of the force in my hand

the cool flow beneath

the palpable here-ness that fills the body

resting on that which never moves

and waits

transporting this river turned stage

to the foot of a temple door

stillness

Balancing a stone

requires three points of contact

with the center of mass above them 

like a camera on a tripod 

or a diamond in a ring

whether a rock lies flat

or balances long and high

it's always only three 

find these points

and everything else 

can fall away completely 

Ruby snuggles up for a sniff

eager to know the stone I'm holding 

generating knowledge sensually

with moist and delicate puffs

I'm enjoying the glow of its force 

having relieved my eyes

of their duty to my mind 

trading the words and ideas they generate

for immediacy and open transparency 

through these I can see the world with feeling

knowing it's forms with intimacy 

and when the contact happens

between the stone and its base 

I have no doubt

that the contact happens inside of me

This point of contact is a place in my feeling 

where force meets support at the center 

here the base and the stone merge together

one mass

one force

threatening to fall back into two in all directions 

my belly loves the magic here

where attention moves from solidity to motion

from support to vulnerability and back again

searching the open transparency 

for the feel of a second point

Knowing that it's there when it's not is half the love

faith-full confidence right to the edge

satisfies something essential in me

not knowing has a knowing buried inside

that deepens my trust in allowing

I could spend hours in this space 

waiting for the magic to find me

I cradle the stone in both hands

centered on its point

it's massive force reduced to tenderness 

intimacy at the tips of my fingers 

feeling through the stone to the base as I turn it

exploring their relationship inside of me

feeling for the way they fit together

The sensations involved are subtle now

awareness placed on awareness 

knowing it's own substance as force and form

then space and openness and back again

drawing attention to each in the other 

here in the empty fullness

Against this flow of subtlety

support from the second point pushes back

its union with the first forms a wall of force

like the side of a pyramid leaning into me

meeting my intention to give

with an offer to hold

and stabilizing the stone in two directions

In the stillness I sense Ruby a few yards off

frozen on point 

nose to a fish

front paw raised in a hook

tail straight as an arrow and still 

time appears to have stopped somewhere

how long have we been standing here?

The smell of burgers and coal

sounds of laughter and drums

wafting smoke against the trees 

everything all at once and everywhere

beauty so fresh I could cry

Point three is not a point at all

but a nothing

the base and I search for it together

feeling into feeling for the magic

when it arrives the stone just disappears 

something turns to nothing in a flash

the whole stone is taken from me all at once 

uniting with its base in a instant

fully given and fully received

the balance stands complete

independent and self supported 

glowing with a palpable here-ness

equal to my own 

In the distance I hear the clapping 

they want me to know they are there

enjoying this magic that happens with me

yet their praise and admiration float right through

I'm so happy I don't believe them

I'm so happy there is no one there 

on which their praise can land 

so grateful for the clarity 

and the fullness of being

and this way it has revealed to me

Now compelled by the force of the balance 

I step backward to give it space 

like a stranger in an elevator standing too close 

the space that it holds is self defined

and radiates outward with invisible light

magnetizing the field with mysterious power

speaking through silence

the language of Presence

I stand for a moment and listen

Acutely aware of being a person 

with three points of contact shining back at me

embodied in stone like a mirror

in my mind is awareness of the field of being

in my heart is the mystery of empty fullness 

and in my belly is the palpable here-ness of existence

together they express the wisdom of Presence

the contact a portal to a Natural dimension 

usually burried by thought and emotion 

enshrined for a time in a balance of stones

A mirror for all who encounter it

a prayer for all who don't 

and for me a day in the sun with my dog 

just being the way that I am